Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
