I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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