"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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