I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
