upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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