Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
