i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
