It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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