Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
