There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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