just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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