i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
