How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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