I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
