I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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