Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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