College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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