Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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