I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
