I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
