You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
