I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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