i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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