She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
