Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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