We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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