i just google imaged poop.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
