my sisters under your porch take her home
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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