I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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