im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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