my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
