the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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