I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
