Michael Bay diarrhea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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