Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm lost and stupid without you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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