Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
