...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
