So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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