I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've blown a few things in my day
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
