OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
