i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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