Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sober January is a disaster.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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