Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
