this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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