Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
