Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
