the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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