I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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