I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
