made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
