My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
