its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
