I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
