I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
