Only a mothe r could love this liver
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
