you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
