So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
