Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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