I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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