I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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