why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
