....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
