Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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