Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
