May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
