he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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