wrigley field is MILF paradise
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pants are for mortals
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