I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize