oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
