I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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